Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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