If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
