yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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