how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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