oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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