Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
