people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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