why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
