Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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