if i died would you start the facebook group?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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