come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
