yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
