You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
