You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
