Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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