I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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