Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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