We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
