Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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