Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
