I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
