make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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