Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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