life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
