How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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