I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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