let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
