oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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