I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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