so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
