just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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