I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize