i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
