Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
