sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
