you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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