my room smells like sperm. sweet.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
