My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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