Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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