i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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