I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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