ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
