I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
