I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize