Just cropdusted the office
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
