listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
soo... how was my night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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