I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Found your dick twin last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
