My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
