I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
