I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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