It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
