Who wears a wallet chain?!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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