dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
