Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
