No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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