Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
