Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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