dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
